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While I still have the muse, albeit weakly, it's becoming painfully clear that it's damn near impossible to get CR for someone like chaos. Unfortunately, that's been true for most of the fandom characters I've played; Sephiroth was, honestly, the only notable exception in nearly five years.
Most of you will have seen that I've been trying (mostly in vain) to acquire a new muse, or interaction for the one I have, over the past few weeks. Beyond a short-lived thread on the message board, that was a major flop. It's nobody's fault - you all have your own plots and threads, and I'm too damned timid to butt in most of the time. Even when I do, it's usually awkwardly timed and poorly received because I'm coming out of left field, or burrowing into minute and oblique details to the point of massive awkwardness.
I've never been incredibly comfortable writing serious fiction around other people. There are semi-traumatic experiences involving my own family and my writing that I won't relate here, but they are by and large responsible for my reclusiveness. Once I get a thread going, I do pretty well - but it's damnably hard for me to -get- one moving. My randomly timed disappearances certainly don't help matters; by the time things have straightened out enough that I can write again, I'm so far behind that I just can't get back into the character.
I'm not leaving the game. I just... I can't play chaos (or anyone like him) here, and it's past time I faced that fact.
I wish I could say that this would affect any active threads, but quite frankly, there aren't any, and haven't been for months.
Most of you will have seen that I've been trying (mostly in vain) to acquire a new muse, or interaction for the one I have, over the past few weeks. Beyond a short-lived thread on the message board, that was a major flop. It's nobody's fault - you all have your own plots and threads, and I'm too damned timid to butt in most of the time. Even when I do, it's usually awkwardly timed and poorly received because I'm coming out of left field, or burrowing into minute and oblique details to the point of massive awkwardness.
I've never been incredibly comfortable writing serious fiction around other people. There are semi-traumatic experiences involving my own family and my writing that I won't relate here, but they are by and large responsible for my reclusiveness. Once I get a thread going, I do pretty well - but it's damnably hard for me to -get- one moving. My randomly timed disappearances certainly don't help matters; by the time things have straightened out enough that I can write again, I'm so far behind that I just can't get back into the character.
I'm not leaving the game. I just... I can't play chaos (or anyone like him) here, and it's past time I faced that fact.
I wish I could say that this would affect any active threads, but quite frankly, there aren't any, and haven't been for months.
Current Mood: 
sad
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